i think it's brave: to hold your line (a love island think piece)

love island USA = dating in 2024

This may be a dumb question, as it currently holds Peacock’s spot for #1 TV Show, but is anyone else watching Love Island USA this summer?

Originally, I started because Ariana Madix is hosting. But I stayed for the contestants, the drama that the producers inevitably conjure out of thin air, and the soundtrack which makes the entire thing both emotional and hilarious at the same time (whoever secured Sabrina’s Please Please Please for the inevitable Casa Amor volatility deserves a medal. I increasingly believe that the person choosing these songs has a phd in acoustic psychology).

If you aren’t familiar with the show, this piece is probably not for you. But the gist is that a bunch of single people go live in a Fijian Villa for the summer, and they’re put in “couples.” If you’re in a couple, you’re safe. If you’re single, you’re vulnerable (aka you can be cut from the show). This language is campy and unique to the show, but it’s also why it has a cult following. Each day the producers send texts to the Villa to stir things up, the main ones announcing “bombshells” or the arrival of new contestants who are stupidly attractive and come to test the strength of the existing relationships. The below clip gives you a sense of how ridiculous this show is:

@thatgirl_mumu03she’s so cute but i love this😂 #loveislandusa #janaloveislandusa #fypage #season6

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This idea of “testing” comes up pretty much every episode. At the beginning of the season, it makes sense. These people have only known each other for a few days, so when a new person comes in, it’s natural to want to get to know him or her. In a sense, it’s like the early aughts of dating. You’re going out with a few people, having a few conversations, figuring out whether or not you actually like them or if they’re just distractingly gorgeous. Sometimes those initial conversations are only exciting because they’re new! The excitement can wear off, the spark can fizzle out, and you’re left daydreaming about who might be next. Of course, this is a reality TV show, the point of which is entertainment. But, as you watch these people on your screen every night, you realize there are real emotions at play.

Stereotypical or not, the girls have been falling quicker than the boys this summer. As you can imagine, this means a lot of emotions being explained away. When the boys stray, the girls say things like “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” and “he can do whatever he wants, I don’t want to be selfish.” It’s easy to see that they’re playing down how they feel as a means of self-preservation. They don’t want to look stupid for not understanding how the game works, for hoping that they might be so special that their partner won’t want to play. Young people dating do this all the time: we don’t want to get hurt, so we set the bar low, we give them an easy out.

But as the episodes have passed, some couples have really started to click. They really like each other, they even might love each other, and this is where the wheels always start to come off. When they got to Casa Amor, there were 3 couples that felt strong, or so we thought. When the boys got the choice between staying with their partner and going to spend 4 days with a brand new crop of girls, every single one of them decided to go. A few of them talked about “not having been tested yet” and using Casa to do that. They spent these 4 days kissing these girls, sleeping in the same beds as them, and generally forgetting the girls they left behind.

When the boys returned from their rendezvous, most of them brought a new girl back with them, and were confronted with the fact that their original partner stayed single, eagerly anticipating their return. Immediately, they all regretted it *feigns shock*. Faced with their original connections, the ones they had spent days putting work into, the boys realized their mistakes. By bringing back a potential connection, they ruined the one they had already solidified. This far into the competition, you cannot have your cake and eat it too.

Even though it’s a TV show, it’s kind of representative of what’s happening in the real world. With the apps, everyone seems to be waiting for the next best thing. No one wants to be closed off, because what if a better connection walks through the door? The concept of choosing someone regardless of who else is out there goes out the window when there is an infinite amount of potential partners behind revolving Door #2. The 229 comments on

Emily Sundberg

’s subscriber chat re: dating concur:

one of her subscribers wrote: I think that, especially using the apps in a city like NYC, the gamification elements of apps imbues the illusion of “infinite choice”, which results in this form of apathy when you match with someone that ultimately demotivates you from looking past potential flaws/incompatibility because you can always go back to the app and look for someone more compatible. It becomes an infinite cycle and creates this collective apathy about finding someone you’re willing to *try* for

i think that sums it up really well…

This year, I’ve been impressed by Serena, one of the contestants who has been getting some heat online. Initially, we see her in a couple that looks more like a really good friendship than anything romantic. However, as the episodes have aired, we realize that Serena just moves at a different pace. Her partner since the beginning, Kordell (OBJ’s brother, hilarious), has shown patience and as the days have passed, viewers have watched their relationship blossom. They continuously talk about staying open to bombshells, but both of them have explored those options respectfully and somehow have continued to find their way back to one another. Serena vulnerably admits that she been burned in past relationships, which is why she finds it difficult to express her feelings and to let herself fall. She has maintained her own boundaries and expectations, moving at her own pace and constantly talking about respect of those two things. On a show that ironically prioritizes making-out over love, it’s actually impressive how she has been able able to stay true to herself and not succumb to the pressure of her environment.

I think the show, at least this season, has undervalued physical intimacy in a way that somewhat mirrors the outside world. The challenges always end in a steamy make-out, the contestants sleep in the same bed as one another from night one, and kissing can be synonymous with testing out a relationship. While it’s incredible that the world has encouraged sex-positivity and choice for women, situation-ships and exclusivity have made it easier for people to maintain physical relationships with multiple people at the same time. It creates a difficult balance, as well as an expectation for physicality to not mean as much as it used to. This isn’t to say that I did not partake in this type of behavior in my 20s - while I regret some of it, I had a lot of fun, your girl loved a dance floor make out more than most!!!! I can tell you that I kissed my husband the night I met him, and if we hadn’t gotten married, there would have been a lot of tears involved.

Jumping into the physical before you get to the emotional though, can lead to the complications the contestants are facing. The chance that someone catches more feelings than the other is high, and when you bring any iteration of sex into it, that chance increases ten-fold. When it comes to Love Island, every single person is conventionally attractive. The girls have perfect boobs and long legs and can rock thong bikinis, and the guys all have great forearms and abs ranging from 6 to 8 packs. The contestants are young, healthy, and bored. Their sex drive is high, and let’s be honest!!! Making out with someone new is SO FUN!!!! So of course, when a new girl wearing next to nothing walks in, Serena’s partner Kordell is going to think there is a connection. He struggles to decipher between lust and love, while Serena’s boundaries allowed for her to do this easily. She developed an emotional connection, a friendship, a level of trust with Kordell before moving forward. Because of this, she was able to compare that connection to other people with just conversations and energy. But, Kordell (at the encouragement of his boys) chooses to test his relationship via physical intimacy with a new bombshell. While he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, Serena is viscerally upset by this. She has stated her boundaries over and over again, and he has blatantly disrespected them. If he cared for her, he wouldn’t have done it. But in his mind - how could he have known her cared for her if he didn’t? This becomes the cavern between them.

I don’t think I am writing this to get to a resolution, and I also recognize that I am married, so you may not want to hear my commentary on dating. But I can’t help but think about all of this given how many people are watching. Are younger viewers learning how to date from Love Island? Do they remember that this is a show, a competition? That leading 1 girl on to stay in a couple is advantageous for the prize money but not the right thing to do? A lot of the Internet doesn’t like how many tears are being shed by the women this year, how often they are yelling at the boys, but I can’t help but be impressed by the vulnerability being shown so far. Sure, they’re going back to the idiot men but that’s what you do when you’re 24 and there is $100K on the line. All in all, these women are sticking up for themselves and one another and standing their ground (for the most part). The line in the sand has been drawn: you shouldn’t need to kiss another girl to know how you feel about me.

It’ll be interesting to see how the rest of the season pans out, as the couples as of last night’s episode are mostly solid but also we know that this is reality TV and most of these people will break up as soon as they aren’t living together 24/7. All in all, I could never ever ever be on this type of show and it’s immensely brave of all of them for so many reasons, first being in a bikini on national TV for an entire month sounds like my version of hell.

there is more to be said, but i’ve already written too much for a friday afternoon. LMK if you’re watching!!!! LMK if you hate this so much and think I should never write about reality TV show again!!! LMK if you are dating and completely disagree with all of this!!!

P.S. as mentioned, i truly believe some of the most important people on the crew of love island are the ones choosing the music. i have almost cried because of their decisions, which means they’re excelling at their jobs. here is the entire playlist if want to indulge.