i think it's brave: to put your mask on first
volume III
Hello to my very best friend!
I need to start off today’s newsletter by saying I am living in a very surreal world right now. I noticed this at 4:54 PM on Wednesday when I was taking a walk; I had just done an hour of yoga and wanted to get outside while it was still nice out. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that it was a Wednesday afternoon and this is what I was doing with my day. I had woken up in Westhampton, driven myself to the North Fork, taken online marketing analytics class, worked on my newsletter, done yoga and was now walking. All of this made possible by COVID.
Sometimes you don’t realize it when it’s happening around you, but Wednesday I had this “holy crap what is going on?!” moment and I think that it’s important to recognize the feelings that arise from these sudden slaps in the face. For me, I felt a little scared. But I also felt grateful and recharged, as I was tailoring my entire day around things I wanted to do. When is the last time you can say you were able to do that? Exactly.
I just want you to know, that if reality is hitting you hard, it’s okay to take a second to process. “The world is a really fucked up place right now, but that’s ok. What am I going to learn from that? How can I be better for myself and others?” A lot of today’s newsletter focuses on the tragedy that is our world right now and how it can make us feel really overwhelmed. But, we need to be the tiniest bit brave in taking time for ourselves, and recognize how that is going to effect us as we move forward. You don’t have to feel bad about your stress being less significant than someone else’s. It’s just a matter of accepting those feelings, and honoring them for what they are.
A Toast
This past Monday I sat down for a classic summer dinner. The table was set with burgers and hot dogs, summer corn, caprese salad and multiple bottles of rosé, all to be consumed outside as the sun went down. The table was surrounded by family, and while it was not my own, I have come to feel that in someway they are. Monday night, Aidan’s family was celebrating their dad, as it has been 16 years now without him. In the last two and a half years since I met Aidan, I have heard many stories about his dad and even more about his brothers and sisters, who are constantly around. In a toast later that night, Aidan thanked the 3 older O’Rourkes in attendance for keeping their lives full. And with that word, everything was said.
Since that night, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that word and how it encompassed so much in just four letters. Often we associate the feeling of full with food and it can be negative, a discomfort we feel after over indulging. The visual of someone pushing back from the table, claiming they cannot stomach another bite comes to mind.
But in other cases, full can mean something else entirely. I think of all of the times I have deemed a weekend as being a “full heart weekend” filled with good food and music and friends. A type of weekend that I will remember as pure happiness, even if I don’t necessarily remember the specifics as to why.
Or what about one of my all time favorite shows, Friday Night Lights?
Coach Taylor’s team motto was that by allowing your heart to be open and full, there is no losing. Even if the scoreboard says otherwise, by remaining present and filling your heart with love for your team, you can’t lose if you have given it your all.
And here’s the trick, your heart has to be open first. The O’Rourke clan of siblings fills the house with laughter and stories that Tommy would have wanted his kids to know. The way they all celebrate him and his life and the family he created is magical. They have not closed themselves off as a result of a loss, but instead have chosen to celebrate a life well lived and the memories that remain, even if they have become somewhat exaggerated over time 😉. And that is what I believe Aidan meant by full. It is, in my eyes, both the greatest compliment and the greatest achievement. To fill the lives of those you love and to live a full life of which you are proud. That is not to say it is all happy. But instead, that your life is full of every emotion, each felt strongly. It means continuing on even in the face of hardship, pushing for more out of life because you know that is what you deserve. Engaging in hard conversations and making hard decisions. It means being fully yourself, even if that self changes over time. And now, for me, it means being brave.
I myself felt full this past weekend, when I finally got to see my friends after 4 months apart. While we did not do anything extravagant, we didn’t need to. Saturday night we played games for 6 hours straight. The air was filled with screams and gasps, laughs and cheers. Within 5 minutes of CONTACT! we knew we hadn’t missed a beat, reading each other’s minds within seconds from across the table. And what is more, I can guess that most phone batteries stayed full as well. Aside from the Fishbowl App and Googling conspiracy theories, there was no need for them. In current times, that type of full at the end of the day is rare - making it even more special. As a result, I ended the weekend with only one photo, which I will post simply for your enjoyment:
me on hour 3 of high noon beach time, avoiding all sun exposure, as my beautiful friends tanned to golden brown
Given the circumstances, it was a safe way to fill up my tank. Low on fuel after months in quarantine and my recent job loss, I was in need of some new energy. While I love my family and the recharge I get when spending time at our beach house, there is something about the GWI (girls weekend in) that can’t be matched. I left Cape Cod with 2 new drink recipes, a handful of book recommendations, and a full emotional energy tank. And this feeling was only fortified observing the celebration of life just days later.
This sense of “full” does not come from material things, but from energy, activities and company. It is hard to put yourself first when there is tragedy happening all around us. It seems that every day there is more bad news, and putting fun at the top of your priority list may seem selfish. In all honesty, putting fun at the top of your priority list can be dangerous right now depending on how you are defining fun. But finding a way to fill up your tank is key, and putting yourself first can be a brave thing to do. It is like the old flight-safety adage “secure your mask first, and then assist others.” It is not selfish to help yourself first, as it gives you the opportunity to help others next.
It can be reading a book, binging a new show on Netflix, cheffing up a new recipe or going for a walk outside. The energy can come from a specific place, or simply just from a nap. It can be taking time off from work, even when you feel that stepping back for a few days might cause anxiety when you return. Anything that brings you to a place where you are operating as a better version of yourself - and then you can go forth and conquer.
Recommendations of the Week
The Guest List by Lucy Foley: I read this book in 5 hours without moving from the couch to even use the bathroom; two of my friends lost sleep reading it this past weekend. It hooks you from page one and though you may make predictions as you read, I promise you will not believe how it ends.
This podcast episode by Cameron Rogers of Freckled Foodie: in a solo episode, Cameron reflects on her own journey with body image and how it has changed throughout her life. Very interesting take from a previous college athlete.
Padma Lakshmi’s Taste the Nation: The new Hulu series it is great escape during a time when we are not traveling or going out to eat, and makes you appreciate the US for its best parts while still acknowledging where we can improve. NYTimes review here.
This song by Jess Glynne:
Last but not least, doing something by yourself: I took myself to the winery last night for live music, but also to edit this baby. I didn’t allow myself to worry about what other people would think when they saw me alone. I simply laid down a blanket, ordered my wine, and pulled out my laptop. It was so nice to listen to the band and people watch and edit in a new environment with real people energy (!!!).
view from my personal blanket (PSA: BE NICE)
be brave, love meigs