It's been about a month since I wrote something for Substack. In that month, I have quit my job, gone to Europe for my husband’s best friend’s wedding, started a new job, and bought a house. As you can imagine, there has not been much time for writing, let alone processing my emotions and thoughts. I now truly believe Luke Combs when he sings when it rains it pours, because as we sat in Italy, batteries depleted from the most epic of weddings, my husband and I laughed because of course the bidding war we win is the one where we are 6 hours ahead and thousands of miles away.
As much as the last month has felt a bit unreal, it has also been filled with an overflowing amount of gratitude. Over and over again on our vacation, I expressed out loud how lucky we were, how beautiful everything was, and how blessed I felt (in the most sincere, least cheugy way possible). I couldn't really put it into words until I listened to The Happiness Lab podcast this week, which talked about awe. The show's description was: awe reduces stress, helps us forget our minor worries and makes us feel more connected to the people around us. We all need more awe in our lives - but surely it's not that easy to find awesome experiences on your average Tuesday?
Let's start here and use this as the base for the rest: awe is defined as a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder.
Being in Italy for the first time this past month, I was in awe of the sheer beauty of the landscape, the history of the buildings, the simplicity of the lifestyle. I was in awe at the worry-free way people eat pizza for lunch and pasta for dinner. In awe when we found the cutest beach club EVER and our entire day spent there cost only 30 euros. Every morning at breakfast and every night at our little after-dinner tea routine, I looked out at the view from our hotel and expressed how lucky I felt. How amazing our life was in that moment. How incredible it was that at 29, we were able to attend our best friends' wedding without worrying excessively over skipping out on work or how much it would cost us. We were able to relax in a way that many never can. It was truly truly awesome, in the most definitive way. And, looking back, this gratitude improved my mood significantly. The more I expressed my gratitude, the more I realized there was to be grateful for.




Now, let's touch on the other news I casually threw into the intro. In Italy, my phone pinged at 1:47 AM, letting us know we were the new owners of the house on good view. How do I even begin to comprehend something so life altering? I was unable to go back to sleep for hours, my mind spinning about all of the things this added to our to-do list. My entire life, I have saved up for this moment, for my first home with my husband and our future family. The fact that in 1 minute, after 8 months of feeling like it would never happen, everything can change -- it inspires awe in the sense of fear and wonder coexisting. It inspires respect for the life we are living, for the path we are on, for all that has come before, all that has passed us or missed us or failed us. It was truly a moment in which I simultaneously felt nothing and the weight of the world. While exciting, it was terrifying. All of the unknowns that lie ahead, all of the doors that "closed" as a result of the one we are opening. It felt so big.
Of course, these two examples feature awe in the ways we traditionally think of it. On her podcast, Laurie Santos talks to scientist Dacher Keltner, who found that when you ask people for awe-inducing things in their lives, the answers fall into 8 categories. These things are usually life-altering, or so vast in nature that of course they make us recognize our collective existence, our small place in the universe. Keltner found that the most powerful source of awe is moral beauty in others, experiencing their strength, sacrifice or courage. I found this so beautiful, because it is so easy to get wrapped up in the negative. Learning that watching others experience and react to life invokes awe in so many of us, is a reminder of how beautiful our humanity can truly be if we just take a moment to notice.
But how do we experience awe in our daily lives? Well, I didn’t need to listen hard to this part of the pod. I had learned how just that morning from my new colleague, let's call him James.
James is 24, and will be joining my new team in New York from London. He has only been to New York 1 other time, and we have spent the past 3 days together. Readers, when I tell you this man is excited, don't take it lightly. He is excited by everything. And even more so, he is awe struck by New York. He asked me why there are so many girls going to yoga all the time. When I explained that girls wear yoga clothes without going to yoga, he was floored. I took him to a sandwich place for lunch that charged us $20 for 1 sandwich, all he could talk about was how good it tasted. He is excited by the subway, excited by the East Village. He's amazed at the amount of people and the snacks in the pantry and the language and the amount we say "literally." I actually asked him how much coffee he had drank and he told me he doesn't drink any. I couldn't help but laugh.
Mainly, he is awe struck by our job. At one point he looked at me and said, "how amazing would it be if you and I worked on some of the same accounts?!" The tone of which was equivalent to "how amazing would it be if I won floor seats to the Taylor Swift concert and got to bring 10 friends for free?!" I am convinced that this energy, the energy of a 24 year old single boy living in New York for the first time, is what I need to channel. I need to remember that things can be truly awesome outside of vacation. That if I take a look around, the world is actually magical. The fact that I am typing this on a computer, that I am able to not look at the keys and that my brain computes what I am thinking and translates it into words on the file. The list goes on and on when I truly think about it!!!!!!!! And James is right, our job is really freaking awesome. We have somehow landed on one of the hottest teams at the firm, working towards being the front line of all things AI, the hottest topic in the news. So many things needed to align, so many people needed to agree, for us to be here, in these seats, given this opportunity. And why would we waste it? Why would we not bring 110% of our energy into succeeding? We cannot forget how truly awesome all of this is.
I realize that I use the word awesome so flippantly, I forget the two words are related. At first, in listening to Laurie's podcast, I thought perhaps I should stop using awesome as a descriptor for things that are, decidedly, not awesome. But I realized that perhaps my flippant use of the word is not the problem. Instead, it's not realizing how awesome things in our lives actually are. I think the idea of becoming jaded is a very real thing, especially when it's so easy to bond over complaining or hating something together. I mean, I have a group chat dedicated to snarking on 1 specific influencer, I get the sentiment around it all and I am not saying we should stop that. I'm more saying that we need to find more awesome. At another wedding we recently attended, the bride wrote in her vows about her groom's ability to find the positive in everything. An example she gave was that he sees sitting in traffic as more quality time together. This is exactly what Laurie is talking about. Perhaps it isn't going to the extent of being awe-inspiring, but it's in the realm! It's a shift in mentality, that makes things less stressful and more positive, which (as showcased by my involuntary gratitude practice in Italy) really makes a difference on our moods! It also makes you someone that other people want to be around.
There is a lot to be said about juggling a new job and a new house at the same time. God willing, we bring a kid into the mix at some point as well. Instead of focusing on the lengthening to-do list and the new responsibilities and the lack of sleep, I want to be more mindful about the AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME things that all of this means. Traveling to new cities for work, decorating our first home, hosting our first housewarming, having a place to put my all of my shoes, learning about something as exciting as AI. There is so much to be grateful for. And in a world where we are expected to complain, it's brave to place our focus on the positive - it’s brave to say that you love your life, rather than critiquing it like you are in front of the mirror in Regina George's bedroom (if you don't understand that reference... I don't know...)
A good place to start this is Lindsey Stanberry’s chat, where she does a new post every Wednesday encouraging her readers to brag about their remarkable-ness. Things big and small are welcome, but my take is the smaller the better. She asks you to reflect on things we may take for granted, that may otherwise pass us by. It's kind of like Laurie's podcast says - if you look for awe, you're more likely to find it.
I missed being inspired to write, so thanks for waiting. I have barely been able to respond to texts in a timely manner, so this was just not on my radar until inspo struck in the nail salon.
I hope you are all able to find some awe in your day, and I really encourage you to listen to the podcast episode in your spare time (or habit stack and do it while you shower/walk/wash dishes/brush teeth/etc.) I would be interested in hearing from parents, if you ask your kids what is awesome, what do they say? They'll probably have some answers that will make you stop and think actually, yes, our dishwasher IS pretty awesome.
xo !!!
meigs
I got all sorts of butterfly in the tummy feelings reading this; I’m happy for you for your vacation and your house and the sheer optimism that is pouring out of every word!! So congratulations!
But also, I loved your story of James because it shows that awe is easiest found in new experiences. Like I used to find it AWE-some to take my kids on walks and watch them discover roly polies. Now, 100s of walks later, I find that less awesome. But I want to find that early awe again!