i think it's brave: to admit your july fourth FOMO

volume I

The Rabbit Hole

July 3rd around 6 PM, I found myself sucked into Instagram's vortex. From above, I assume it looked something akin to Alice's descent down the rabbit hole.

Friday was the release of my first newsletter, and I had received feedback that had made my heart swell. I was feeling so lucky to have a group of people who were so supportive of me, and in releasing “the pilot”, I was doing one of the first things I had ever done without asking for anyone else's opinion. That was huge and something to be really proud of.

But Instagram was showing me all of the things I wasn't doing on Friday, July 3rd, things that are perceived as cool and fun and “insta-worthy.” I wasn't in Montauk playing drinking games at a house party, I wasn't out on a boat in Nantucket as the sun set. By no means was I dressing up in red white and blue, or even thinking about what outfits I would need for a weekend full of festivities. Instead, I was playing Rummikub at 7 PM with my Grandma, with whom I had spent the majority of my week. I felt like a total loser, choosing to focus on the momentary lack of all things typically associated with America’s 3-day birthday party. All feelings of personal success and confidence flew out the window because I had spent more than 5 minutes scrolling on my phone.

I took out these feelings on my boyfriend, Aidan, because he was also having a wonderful start to his 4th of July weekend. In turn, I had not heard from him, which made me even more aware of the fun he was having. But about 10 minutes after I sent him the ever-passive-aggressive 👍🏻, I apologized, realizing that I was being a brat for no reason other than feeling bad for myself. I took a step back and assessed the scene. Which looked like this:

I was spending more 1 on 1 time with my 85-year-old Grandma than I had in a long time. She has been alone in quarantine, with only a handful of visitors, and hasn't played her favorite game in months. So, after dinner, when she asked to play one game, of course I said yes. And when she said, "I won't torture you with another," I looked at her and said, “Gram this isn't torture, where else do I have to be anyways?” The smile on her face was something that I won’t forget. She was so happy just to be playing a game of Rummikub with her granddaughter. To her, it seemed, nothing else could be better on this particular Friday night.

Game 2 was a slow thriller that went on for 40 minutes, until she eventually moved 3 pieces around in her favor to win. She might not be able to tell the difference between blue and black tiles at times, but she still knows when it's time to pounce. After cleaning up, she told me sailing stories from when she was in her 40s. She and her friends would take a giant sailboat from Maryland down to Florida, sometimes from Florida to the Bahamas, and never even pay for a slip. They would just drop anchor and sleep where they were. She said to me, "It wasn't all fun and games, sailing is very hard. But it was always worth it."

All of this makes me think of another quote by Morgan Harper Nichols, that I found in the early weeks of quarantine:

It's okay if every weekend doesn't lead to big moments and campfires and laughter that carries for hours and hours. Some weekends might be quiet, still, with plenty of room to contemplate. And in that contemplation room, there is room to grow. So, hold those weekends dear. Don't see them as less or as threats to more exciting times. There is beauty and truth even in the seemingly mundane.

Between MHN's above truth bomb, and my own statement of "where else do I have to be anyways?" I realize that my weekend was exactly how it should have been. I have been preaching about the pandemic being a time to slow down, yet immediately succumbed to FOMO the first weekend everyone was breaking out of their cage's. I had lost my job just days prior, I needed this time to be still. To spend time with my family, recalibrate a little. Gram was telling me these sailing stories from when she was 40, a reminder that I don't have to cram all of the fun into my 20s. It can continue for my entire life if I surround myself with the best people and focus on the beauty in the little moments.

Take A Break

When I was growing up, a family friend used to say to me, “Who are you texting!? We are all right here!” It wasn’t until lately that I saw the underlying truth in his joke. Constantly worrying about what other people are doing makes us unappreciative of our own reality. The ease at which we can communicate via text message sometimes makes it so we don’t engage in the conversation that is happening right in front of us. And not only does that effect our own mental health, but it effects those around us. The people we are not connecting with in real life, who feel upset at our being more interested in what is happening on our phone screen.

Getting sucked into social media happens to everyone, I even watched it happen to my mom on the couch last night. But it is important to recognize when it is happening, and the emotions that come with it. More often than not, the endless scroll makes me feel alone. It quickens my comparison reflex - even if I had previously been feeling perfectly fine about my day. And as I have learned this, I have begun to appreciate when it’s time for a break. Sometimes the break needs to be longer than others, the goal always being a descent back down to Earth. This weekend, when taking that break, I made a mental list of seemingly mundane things. They are featured below, each with an explanation of why they were actually magical.

10 mundane things from this weekend:

Apple Cider Donuts - a 9:30 AM trip to the farm stand sent us home with 2 bags of fresh baked, sugar covered, gluten filled apple cider donuts. Which I ate with my Grandma, sipping our cups of French Vanilla coffee, looking out at the water.

Jenga - my cousin's son Finn is a 1.5-year-old joy. We spent 20 minutes of July 4th pouring Jenga blocks onto the floor and then cleaning them back up. Little thing, huge laughs.

Sailboat Sheets - Finn's visit also prompted me to realize the art that is my mom's top sheet. We sat together and looked at the printed sailboats, stating all of the colors and pronouncing some of them "weird." Hearing a baby say something is weird is the opposite of mundane.

An Outdoor Beer - Sunday afternoon Aidan arrived, and at happy hour we biked to the Greenport Brewery for two beers and one order of parmesan truffle fries. In the green Adirondack chairs, we pronounced it was the perfect weather for a Sunday night.

Oscar the Security Guard - The brewery security guard, Oscar, was taking his job extremely seriously, making sure everyone followed the new COVID rules. At another times, I probably wouldn't have noticed Oscar, but he made me feel safe Sunday and I appreciated that.

Water Shoes - As much as I love the Peconic Bay, I do not love touching the bottom. This weekend I had some size 10.5 water shoes that were gigantic but allowed me to stay in the water with my Grandma without once worrying about the creatures beneath.

2005 Rom Coms - a texting typo lead to a Google search of 2005 rom coms, which I highly suggest you check out. Some of the greats were made in that year - including Hitch, The Perfect Man, Wedding Crashers, and Little Manhattan. (editors note: Aidan would like me to also mention Just Friends, though I have not seen it)

Chocolate Sprinkles - My mom picked up sprinkles at the grocery store on Sunday, because she knew that Saturday we couldn’t find them at 7-11. She didn’t announce this, so when I went in for a scoop of vanilla, it was a truly delicious surprise.

Never Have I Ever - I saw ads for this Netflix show back at the beginning of quarantine, but I never got around to the binge. Due to my recent lack of work, I allowed myself to indulge in the 300 minutes of high school drama. It is awkward and funny and sad and wonderful. And just got renewed for season 2!

Writing at the Kitchen Table - every morning I have sat down at the kitchen table with my computer and wrote something. Whether I was editing the pilot, writing volumes I and II, just writing some thoughts or musings of that morning, I have done it with a view of my favorite place. Despite everything, it makes me feel very lucky.

Thoughts? Mundane activities? Vortex cures? Never Have I Ever fan theories? Send it all my way!

be brave, love meigs