well worn: alex lewis
an i think it's brave interview
This week, we are joined by Alex Lewis, a writer who has been on Substack since 2023, and whose trajectory is due to a lot of hard work, consistency and community building. I remember the first time I went back and forth with Alex on Substack, it was over Love Island. I thought to myself, who is this man, so fervently knowledgeable about this reality show!? Then I dove into his archive, and realized his ability to weave seemingly surface level media and culture and music together into beautiful, thought provoking essays.
From the outside looking in, Alex has been focused on community from day one. He started his writing group early on in his Substack days, and added the monthly album discussion in due time. It’s a testament to the amount of people out there just looking for someone to talk to about things they love. Because isn’t that the best feeling? When you are knee deep in Summer House drama and find someone who wants to share in your fervor?! Who can talk for hours about the nuances that others may not notice? I think that’s why I love Alex’s writing. He notices, and he shares those insights, knowing that his people will find him. Just like I did. And now he’s here, on well worn, our first male guest! And I couldn’t be happier. Please enjoy!
How would you introduce yourself to the readers?
I’m Alex, and I appreciate you being here. It took a while for me to say this, but I’m a writer. I have a newsletter, Feels Like Home, where I write about things I love and the people and moments that have shaped me. I live in Columbus, Ohio with my wife and our cat, Cheech. Outside of work, I host monthly album discussions and a Shut Up & Write group.
I love the name of your Substack, Feels Like Home. Can you tell us about how you came up with it?
Thank you! I didn’t have a name in mind when I started my newsletter. I decided to look back at old essays and kept coming across variations of this phrase, “Feels like home.” It’s clearly something I’d been thinking about for a while and kept returning to in my writing. Little did I know how perfect it would actually be. My writing is an exploration of the things that have shaped my identity, the things that have felt most like home over the years even if I eventually outgrew them. The hope is that I can create a home for my readers through my own openness and curiosity.
What’s one thing we wouldn’t know about you from your online presence?
I’m very particular about my routines. I deeply value peace, and one of the ways that I reduce friction in my life is by creating routines. I have certain time increments that I use for my alarms to wake up every day. My skincare routine most mornings takes as long as my showers. Before bed, I have to set the lights to reading mode and the sleep timer on the TV to 180 minutes. The volume has to be on 1. And then I have to read before bed to wind myself down. Diagnose me in the comments if you know what this is, but let’s go with the obvious: I’m particular.
In a perfect world, you have 1 extra hour a week to take a class on anything. What would you like to learn or practice?
I’d love to take a film class. I’m constantly in conversations with people where they mention a move and I’ve never seen it. I want to expand my knowledge of different films and better understand why people love the movies they love.
What are you working hard on at the moment?
I’m working hard on trusting myself. Growing up in Christian churches, I often heard that I should trust in God and lean not on my own understanding. It was easy to hear this as “don’t trust yourself.” Those words have stuck with me. But as I get older, I’m learning the importance of valuing my senses and feelings. I’m working hard to not shut myself out of the conversation.
What’s something you’ve done that younger you would be proud of?
My younger self would be proud that I’m the older brother I wanted and often reached for. Some of the most influential men in my life were guys who are only a few years older but put me onto music and movies that shaped who I am. Now, I get texts from my little brother after he’s seen a movie or listened to an album he thinks I might be into. We get to talk about it, and it makes me happy that we have each other.
When you think of someone brave, who comes to mind — and why?
He’s not a person per se, but I think my cat, Cheech, is pretty fucking brave. He jumps on ledges that are a step or two away from falling to his death. He eats things without fully understanding what they are. Without much choice, he dared to believe an unfamiliar place could be a home and two random people wouldn’t hurt him. Some might call this stupidity, but isn’t bravery a little stupid?
What does being brave mean to you?
Being brave is recognizing the obstacles but not being deterred by them. It’s an acknowledgement that this thing is scary, but fear doesn’t have the final say. Bravery is grimacing through it but still doing it anyway.
What is your biggest moment of bravery?
This might be a cop-out, but my biggest moment of bravery is any time I’ve dared to love.1 I think about picking up my wife’s wedding ring or eventually proposing. Elizabeth is easy to love, so the bravery isn’t loving her. It’s daring to love at all when grief is inescapable. To love is to leave or be left; it’s also to find someone or something that holds you for a time. We get to hold that thing too, and it’s an acknowledgment that we were here; that we lived, and that living connects us to everyone else who’s ever been and will be.
What’s something you once thought was small that now feels like an act of courage?
I think that sharing what you love is brave. In a way, it’s like baring your soul. When we talk about the things we love, we’re not just talking about those things. We’re talking about the people who showed us those things, the experiences we had with those people, the moments when we were sad or scared or didn’t want to be here. And we run the risk that others might not hold our beloveds in the same way. It’s also possible that we might find something in common and gain a deeper love for each other and better understanding.
This might be hard, but as a writer, what is your favorite piece you’ve written? Is it something you’ve shared or kept to yourself?
A few years back, Grandma Thelma, who turns 92 later this year, said she wanted to hold a book of my words in her hands. I’m not one of those writers whose life mission is to write a book, but I promised my grandma that I’d make one for her—and I’m not in the business of breaking promises to Grandma. It wasn’t something I planned to sell. I worked on editing some of my previously published essays throughout the year. Then, I got the book printed myself and sent it to her in the mail. She keeps it on her coffee table, and it’s my favorite thing I’ve made by far.
What do you wear when you have to be brave? What is your “suit of armor”? Do you have multiple?
When bravery calls, I arm myself with my people. For example, the first time I did a live reading of one of my essays, I texted my homies and invited them to come. I looked around the room as I got up to read and recognized nearly everyone. Instead of folding in out of fear, I could stand up straight knowing my people would love no matter how well I thought it went.
Do you think clothes can change how brave you feel?
The short answer is yes. The longer example is when my friend Gueric surprised me with tickets to the Denver Nuggets’ first-ever NBA Finals appearance. Miami was closer than Denver, so I traveled there for Game 4. I wore a throwback Marcus Camby jersey with the rainbow skyline, which made two things clear: (1) I’m a fan, and (2) I’m not new to this. In a sea of Heat fans, I felt emboldened to cheer on the Nuggets within a win of their first championship because I could stand firmly in my fandom. I’ve been rooting on the Nuggets for 20 years. There’s no swaying me. I’m not going anywhere.
You are a person of MANY interests (Bravo, basketball, music, to name a few), was that cultivated in you from a young age?
I wish I was watching Bravo as a kid, but I don’t think I would’ve fully appreciated it. My love for sports and music definitely started at a young age. I would just get excited about different things and immerse myself in them. I remember falling in love with basketball in my Grandma Gwen’s basement. We’d watch games together after school. Then, my dad took me to the NBA All Star Game in 2002. I got my first jersey that weekend. It was a blue Michael Jordan Washington Wizards jersey, and I wore it every day for at least the next week. I’d grab whatever basketball books I could at the Scholastic Book Fair and learn all the players’ names. That’s still a pastime of mine: naming obscure hoopers with the homies. Anyone remember Moochie Norris?
What’s the bravest purchase you’ve made lately?
I bought a pair of olive green Wrangler baggy cargo pants because I saw this kid driving our sunset cruise in Cape Cod wearing a pair. I could’ve asked him where he got them, but instead I googled the closest string of words I could think of and found a pair on Depop. Buying from Depop itself feels brave, but thrifting pants feels like a particular bravery—and thrifting those pants from Depop feels even braver. I took a chance, and they ended up being a perfect fit. I ended up thrifting a black pair because I loved them so much, and these fit even better.
Can you think of an outfit or item of clothing that changed how you saw yourself?
There isn’t too much that an oversized tee and 5” inseam shorts can’t solve. It’s my go-to outfit as soon as the temperature approaches 70 degrees, and the combo immediately makes me feel like life is worth living. I’m a better guy when I can show a little thigh.2
Is there a routine or ritual that helps you prepare for something daunting?
As a self-proclaimed Routine Guy™, I stay strapped with my to-do list whenever I need help calming my mind. It’s good for me to lay everything out and note when things are due. This helps me prioritize my day and remember that I don’t have to do everything at once. Shoutout to OneNote and my Notes app.
What’s your soundtrack as you get ready for something big?
I reach for music that gives me hope and reminds me I’m not alone. I think about Arima Ederra’s “In The Business of Feeling” where she says, “We forget that we can build this world.” Or Joy Oladokun’s “I’d Miss the Birds” where she sings, “This world on fire still has good to discover.” Both show me what’s possible at a time when dread feels near.
What do you think our culture gets wrong about bravery?
Bravery isn’t defending and perpetuating imperialism; bravery is defying it. Bravery is choosing to keep your neighbor safe in a country that harms all of us.
Did your parents ever teach you about bravery? If you have children, what do you teach them about bravery?
My family, especially my mom and her mom, made sure I always knew my history. They kept books around of Black firsts and taught me about the leaders who fought for our freedom. From a young age, I saw bravery all around me and knew what it could do for me and my people. If I ever have kids, I want them to know that bravery is their birthright.
Has witnessing anyone else’s courage ever impacted you in a way that resonated long term?
When I first moved to Colorado Springs after graduating college, I attended a youth poetry slam. I’d never been to one before and was amazed at the middle and high school students who got up in front of a room full of strangers and shared their deepest, darkest secrets. I saw what can happen when young people have platforms to share their creativity and are encouraged to do so. Their bravery inspired me to start Car Window Poetry—a local art project that became a global poetry movement focused on sharing encouraging poems.
Last but not least, fill in the blank.
i think it’s brave: to share what you love
The quick list of things I am loving this week: BIEBERCHELLA!!! This pink skirt I bought at Bloomingdales after being influenced by Kelly Klein, carrot breakfast muffins and whole milk cappuccinos, my Franny glasses from Warby, any and all Boston Marathon content, Nick Offerman on Good Hang, my nightly piece of Spring & Mulberry chocolate, the Lambrusco my friend bought for dinner this weekend, this recipe for noodles at home, and the Ricki Beach Club swim collab with Alex Sisto. The orange striped bikini is on it’s way to me and I’m hoping I will love it on as much as I love it online, will report back!
Also, I just want to remind everyone how helpful it is to go pick out new skincare or beauty products in person. I was researching adding an eye cream to my very minimal routine, but was confused by the hundreds of options and reviews online. Instead, I dropped into the Blue Mercury by Grand Central, and asked the saleswoman for a recommendation. We looked at a few options together and I left with a new to me brand, the results of which I have loved so far.
MG: opposite of cop out! most beautiful answer!
MG: god I love this